I Am With You Always
This is my personal testimony. I share it now and pray that the ones who need to read this for personal edification and encouragement will be led to this post.
I am a child of a broken home. My parents divorced when I was seven. I was sexually abused by my first step-father. I first talked to Jesus when I would be up at night hearing my parents fighting. I would pray to Jesus and ask Him to make them stop. I felt so helpless because I was so little that I couldn’t do anything about it. I would cry and Jesus would hold me in bed until I fell asleep. After their divorce my mother married a horrible man. What he did to me haunted me for a long time even after she divorced him. I had this one horrific nightmare that I couldn’t stop from dreaming. Eventually it did stop. Praise God! I think this recurring nightmare was an attack on me from the pits of hell. There is no way in the world that a dream like that would be normal for an eight year old girl. Even though all of this was terrible, Jesus made a light in the darkness. He taught me from a very early age that He is and will always be there for me. There is a new song out from Kim-Walker Smith entitled, “Throne Room”. The first time I watched her video I was so moved. There is a scene were a little girl enters the Throne Room. My soul envisioned myself. That little girl who could smile even though principalities were after her. That was me. But not with my own strength. No! I never could have gotten through that without Jesus.
We eventually moved to another state and with that came more issues. My mother had told me she would not marry again and it would be just us girls (my mother, sister, and me). However she did marry and instead of being happy for her I felt betrayed. I withdrew inside myself and my mother and I fought a lot. I didn’t have many friends because I felt that no one understood me. During that time I made an entry into my diary. I made a written promise to God that I would be a good girl and not get into any trouble growing up if He promised me he would give me the family I had always wanted. Not only a husband and kids, but a husband that loved me more than anything. You see at that time I did not believe a man could love a woman as himself.
I thought that promise was fulfilled in a boy I started dating in high school. He was such a sweet and kind boy. He never knew a stranger. He was instrumental in getting me into a church in my area. My parents have always loved me, but at that time in my life I did not feel loved. All of my love came from this boy. Then one day he was gone. He was only sixteen. He was in an auto accident and was in ICU for several days before his parents had to take him off life support. (I won’t get into it here, but I did have a prophetic dream about him two days before he passed). I will never forget the last time I spoke to him in ICU. Two at a time could be in there. I was with one of his older cousins. There was a nurse at the foot of his bed. He was in a coma and didn’t even look like himself. I poured my heart out and told him about how I have always loved him and always will. When I turned to leave the room the nurse was crying so hard she couldn’t hardly look at me. My legs became jello and I couldn’t stand so I was put in a wheelchair. I sat outside in the hall with his family waiting for the doctors to tell us he passed away. I looked around and everyone had their spouses there. I was all alone. The only love in my life had been taken away from me. But then in that moment of despair, a miraculous thing happened. I looked down the hall and to a door that led outside. A bright and brilliant light came through the door and engulfed the hallway. It was obvious that I was the only one seeing this. A wave of peace and love began to fill my soul. I knew in that moment that my boyfriend had passed and that he was with God. The Holy Spirit began to tell me that everything was fine. I felt Jesus say, “Even though you feel alone, you never will be. I’m always here.” This occurred again at my boyfriend’s funeral. I was sitting with his parents on a pew in the church. There was a door to our right leading outside. My boyfriend’s coffin was in front of us. The brilliant light came through and the peace and love returned to my soul. And again, I was the only one who saw this. The Holy Spirit told me my boyfriend was happy and well. I was asked to take care of his parents. I stayed at their home a lot after that. I lived with his parents my senior year in high school (for various reasons).
God did keep his promise. I have been happily married for 23 years. We have two boys that are 21 and 17. My dearly departed boyfriend’s parents are still a big part of our lives. They love my husband and boys as much as any parents/grandparents could. They also have another child (she is now grown). She has never met her brother but they will one day in heaven. I also have great relationship now with both my mother and my father. Even though they are no longer married, they graciously come to my home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and my sister brings her boys. We have a great time. Now don’t tell me that God doesn’t move sister because I am testifying!
My husband and I have been through many things together such as a miscarriage, my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, his Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis, and other things. But through it all, Jesus is still here and always will be.
Miraculous Experiences With God
The Holy Spirit Takes Over
Matthew 10:19-20 says,
“But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak, for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.”
I have seen this happen in my life–not in a persecution situation, but in a delicate one. There was a girl in our class that passed away in a drunk-driving accident. I was the president of SADD and therefore was scheduled to speak at our next meeting after the accident. No one hardly ever came to our meetings, but that day the lunch room was packed. There was no seating and teachers even were standing against the walls. I was so thankful I had prayed the night before. When I got on stage to speak I literally saw myself speaking because I was standing outside of my body watching. God totally took over and told those hurting children what they needed to know and comforted them. It was totally the Holy Spirit speaking in that day. I have not had that experience since, but I testify that God does speak through us in the proper moments.
One day a few years ago, I was praying alone and was praising Jesus more than I ever had before in my life. I was shocked when I felt this wave of love come over me. The only way I can describe it is “liquid love”. It totally engulfed me in waves. There is no proper way I can describe it. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. Recently I had someone tell me they had the same experience. I began watching programs of others that have had different experiences with God. One man had the same experience and described it exactly like I did– “liquid love”. I don’t know if this is a Baptism of The Holy Spirit or some sort of anointing. If you know what this means, please comment in this post or email me. After I had that experience I have been able to love others more than I ever had before. I felt God’s love not only for me, but for everyone.
God’s Love For Us All
Dear Sister or Brother, I just want you to know that God has always been there for you–even when you couldn’t feel Him. He just wants you to allow Him to be Lord of your life. Some people don’t want to become Christians because they feel that they are giving up too much. This is so not true. Your life begins with Jesus! It’s a wonderful journey. No, He didn’t say that it would be easy but it is so worth it.
Jesus told us that they path to destruction an ruin is a big path and many will go through it. But that they way that leads to life is small and not many will go on that path. I entreat you–no beg you–to search yourself and ask Jesus into your heart if you haven’t. If you are a Christian, I just want to encourage you and let you know that no matter what you are dealing with-YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
Consider me your spiritual cheerleader. If you need prayer, if you need encouragement, just let me know. You are welcome to email me at:
Always remember, you are not alone.
“I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen